Friday, January 3, 2014

If Health Care were flowers song by The Liberty Bard

If it sounds ridiculous, it’s because it is.  h/t to my pops for forwarding me this.
obamacare this is gonna hurt
Obama Flowers
Receptionist:   Hello, Welcome to ObamaFlowers, My name is Trina. How can I help you?
Customer :  Hello.  I received an email from Professional Flowers stating that my flower order has been canceled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your website, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number.
Receptionist :  Yes!  I am sorry about the website. It should be fixed by the end of November. But I can help you.
Customer :  Thanks, I ordered a “Spring Bouquet” for our anniversary, and wanted it  delivered to my wife.
Receptionist :  Interrupting, Sir, “Spring Bouquets” do not meet our  minimum standards, I will  be happy to provide you with Red Roses.
Customer :  But I have always ordered “Spring Bouquets”, done it  for years, my wife likes them.
Receptionist:   Roses are better, sir, I am sure your wife will love them.
Customer : Well, how much are  they?
Receptionist: It depends sir, do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum package.
Customer: What’s the difference?
Receptionist: 6, 12,18 or 24 Red Roses.
Customer: The Silver package may be okay, how much is it?
Receptionist: It depends sir, what is your monthly income?
Customer: What does that have to do with anything?
Receptionist: I need that to determine your government flower subsidy, then I can determine how much your out-of-pocket cost will be. But if your income is below our minimums for a subsidy, then I can refer you to our FlowerAid department.
Customer: FlowerAid?
Receptionist: Yes, Flowers are a right.  Everyone has a right to flowers. So, if you can’t afford them, then the government will supply them free of charge.
Customer: Who said they were a right?
Receptionist: Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme Court found it constitutional.
Customer: Whoa!  I don’t remember seeing anything in the Constitution regarding flowers as a right .
Receptionist:   It is not really a “Right in  the Constitution,” but ObamaFlowers is Constitutional because the Supreme Court  Ruled it a “Tax”. Taxes are Constitutional. But we feel it is a right.
Customer: I don’t believe this.
Receptionist: It’s the law of the land sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the Silver Package, so what is your monthly income sir?
Customer: Forget it, I think I will forgo the flowers this year.
Receptionist: In that case sir, I will still need your monthly income.
Customer: Why?
Receptionist: To determine what your ‘non-participation’ cost would be.
Customer: WHAT?  You can’t charge me for NOT buying flowers!
Receptionist: It’s the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. It’s $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income.
Customer interrupting: This is ridiculous, I’ll pay the $9.50.
Receptionist: Sir, it is $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is greater.
Customer: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a rip-off!
Receptionist: Actually sir, it is a good deal. Next year it will be 2%.
Customer: Look, I’m going to call my Congressman to find out what’s going on here. This is ridiculous. I’m not going  to pay it.
Receptionist: Sorry to hear that sir.  That’s why I had the NSA track this call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are using.
Customer: Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING?
Receptionist: So they get your GPS coordinates sir.
Door Bell rings followed immediately by a loud knock on the door
Receptionist: That would be the IRS sir.  Thanks for calling ObamaFlowers.  Have a nice day and God Bless America
WARNING: After a recent wave of identify thefts, the FBI estimates there are over 500 fake Obamacare websites set up for the sole purpose of stealing your personal information. So protect yourself and remember: the real one is the one that doesn’t work.